Super What...

In a couple of hours millions of Americans will plop down on couches that are already moaning under the weight of McDonald's saturated asses to enjoy this great nations most popular annual televised excuse for drinking.

Many of these people will be watching the Super Bowl, not out of appreciation for the sport, but because they get a mild giggle from the fucking commercials, which half of my graduating video production class could have easily bested in cleverness if not production value and still given change from a twenty. (Although, I have to admit that the trail for Cowboys & Aliens is somewhat boner inspiring. Probably more so than the finished film will be.)


Still, the rest of these fans, the ones not tuning in for the commercials, the ones who aren't watching the Super Bowl because it offers a chance to get a bunch of people over for an organized keg stand tournament, those people are tuning in because they like to watch...

I would just like to take a moment to remind these people; Ahem! FOOTBALL IS STILL NOT A MAN'S SPORT, DICKHEAD!

Allow me to clarify.

Football -- A grown up frat boy, whose body mass is thirty percent steroids, wearing a helmet and three inches of plastic armor while making six figures a year to play the game suddenly has to sit out a few games because he broke a pinkie in a freak hand job accident.

Then there's...

Rugby -- A chain-smoking ex-convict who grew up in a house made of corrugated tin next to toxic waste drainage ditch runs out on to a field with nothing to protect his bones but a heart filled with murder and a bad Cosby sweater. He and a bunch of other like minded individuals proceed to beat the hell out of each other over who gets the ball until one of them gets half their face headbutted off. The player who gets half his face headbutted off then has three minutes to collect the broken bits of cheek bone and staple them back onto his skull in a horrific mask that would make the average Batman villain vomit blood. That player then goes back onto the field to get a piece of the "bloody bastard" who headbutted him in the first place. All players are paid in beer and the tears of fallen enemies in accordance with ancient Klingon rules of Warfare.

So in summation, fuck this shit. I'm going back to bed.

Things I Can See From Under the Snowpocalypse

I've spent the last four days barricaded inside my apartment as my city and state were slowly buried under enough snow to lightly blanket a small moon. I'm happy to report that I managed to avoid the most horrific horrors inherent in shitty Missouri weather (i.e. people who need help shoveling their driveways.) Now that I've freed myself (mostly) from my white, fluffy prison let us see what the Internet has to offer by way of amusement.

Research uses quantum mechanics to melt glass at absolute zero
If you put the word "quantum" in front of anything I usually reply with either, "Der, guh, brain hurty" or "Wow. Could I use that to blow shit up?" This article on physorg.com got both reactions at the same time.

First ever aerial footage of uncontacted Amazon tribe released
Living in Media Saturation land, it's somehow comforting to know that we really haven't been everywhere and done it all. Unfortunately, these uncontacted Brazilian tribes are about to get done the same way "civilization" has been doing indigenous people since we showed up some five-hundred years ago as logging companies from the Peru side of the border are encroaching on their homelands. I recommend checking out the video as our first glimpse might be your last chance to see. Found via Hacker News

Of course, I have to include this because...well, obviously.


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Ohhhh!!!! While I'm here, has anyone seen Buried yet? No? You're in for a treat. Ryan Reynolds is trapped in a coffin, buried alive. That is the entire plot. Beautiful in its simplicity and terrifying in its execution. This could almost be described as the greatest 90 minute one man play ever, EVER, if not for the fact that the camera and voices on Reynold's cell phone act as characters in their own right. Here, have a trailer.


Which, for some reason the anti-piracy bastards won't allow me to embed here, so I'm just going to give you the link.