Many of these people will be watching the Super Bowl, not out of appreciation for the sport, but because they get a mild giggle from the fucking commercials, which half of my graduating video production class could have easily bested in cleverness if not production value and still given change from a twenty. (Although, I have to admit that the trail for Cowboys & Aliens is somewhat boner inspiring. Probably more so than the finished film will be.)
Still, the rest of these fans, the ones not tuning in for the commercials, the ones who aren't watching the Super Bowl because it offers a chance to get a bunch of people over for an organized keg stand tournament, those people are tuning in because they like to watch...
I would just like to take a moment to remind these people; Ahem! FOOTBALL IS STILL NOT A MAN'S SPORT, DICKHEAD!
Allow me to clarify.
Football -- A grown up frat boy, whose body mass is thirty percent steroids, wearing a helmet and three inches of plastic armor while making six figures a year to play the game suddenly has to sit out a few games because he broke a pinkie in a freak hand job accident.
Then there's...
Rugby -- A chain-smoking ex-convict who grew up in a house made of corrugated tin next to toxic waste drainage ditch runs out on to a field with nothing to protect his bones but a heart filled with murder and a bad Cosby sweater. He and a bunch of other like minded individuals proceed to beat the hell out of each other over who gets the ball until one of them gets half their face headbutted off. The player who gets half his face headbutted off then has three minutes to collect the broken bits of cheek bone and staple them back onto his skull in a horrific mask that would make the average Batman villain vomit blood. That player then goes back onto the field to get a piece of the "bloody bastard" who headbutted him in the first place. All players are paid in beer and the tears of fallen enemies in accordance with ancient Klingon rules of Warfare.
So in summation, fuck this shit. I'm going back to bed.
Truly spoken as someone who's never worn a jockstrap in his life, or at most perhaps in high school during his impression of Lucas, which I'm thinking was spot-on.
ReplyDeleteSure, rugby has its merits, but is it a coincidence that people interested in it are either 1) douches in Ivy League schools, 2) European, or 3) nerds who alternate between playing it and Fake Wizard with cardboard swords in local parks on the weekends?
Sounds like somebody has should stick to chess and leave most-evolved nation's most-watched sporting event alone. Football is a brutal game, perfect in its simplicity and representation of the modern gladiator. Look up Ronnie Lott. He cut off his own finger so he could continue his career. Look up Emmitt Smith. He played with a dislocated shoulder. If football players didn't have the helmets and padding, they would be dead, and not just doing the elephant walk like rugby players do in scrums and between plays.
Don't worry; nerd is very chic these days. Or so I'm told.
whats wrong with being from europe? whats wrong with going to a good school? i have no idea what nerds you are talking about. and "most-evolved nation"? really?? wtf? what does that even mean? are you some sort of supremacist? i wouldn't be surprised, you'd fit right in with the other U.S football fans.
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